Dirty Laundry
by swkaioshin
Summary: Apparently even being very tiny and made of plastic cannot prevent life  human nature  from taking its course, no matter how much Larry wants to argue about it.


_Hello all! I am a musician who in her very small and sparse spare time enjoys occasionally sitting down and writing. Unfortunately, that means I rarely ever have time to finish anything I start! But today the endless pile of unfinished business ends! I present you with my first finished story! I have never really posted anything on here before, so I apologize ahead of time for any grammar or spelling errors, though I'm sure I checked it pretty thoroughly (but no one is perfect!)_

_I personally loved the silly nature of A Night at the Museum, especially Octavius and Jed. This little very goofy idea came to me one day while watching it: if everything in the museum is just statues and stuff that move at night…then what do they actually _do _all those nights, walking around the corridors? Unfortunately for Larry, this little situation happens one night =]_

Dirty Laundry

The Museum of Natural History was full of nonsense. And quite honestly, that is a general statement that could cover a broad range of other topics when regarding the museum. It was an insane place, out of the ordinary, preposterous; and yet Larry could easily swear his life on every word of that being true.

He was out on museum patrol one night when his ear caught the sounds of quite an unusual racket going on in the hall of miniatures. But, really, there was _always_ a racket going on down that hallway. But this time was more unusual than normal, Larry deemed, and he set off down the corridor.

To his surprise, he found the air to be rather…joyful. There was definitely music playing in the background (which he quickly added to his list of questions: where the heck did all these tiny miniatures acquire musical instruments? Never ceased to amaze him, they did. Like a tiny group of ants that just magically figured their way into his kitchen cabinets and into the sugar jars. How? There was never an answer. And no untainted sugar left for him either.)

All the little people from all the different cultures in the small hallway were gathered about on the floor, a good chunk of them being various little cowboys and Roman soldiers, carrying on like a mob of teenagers. It was a hardcore festive event, and unfortunately for Larry, it made it much harder to maneuver around on the floor when they were all laughing and dancing about. In fact, most of them kind of looked angry that he was invading their space.

"Yer blockin' the view godamnit!" A little cowboy shook his fist at him. A rowdy looking bunch surrounded him, all eyeing him up with their tiny beady eyes.

"_Shut up_." He snarled.

The cowboy pulled out his gun, and began to shake it wildly. His buddies' faces molded into smug little grins as they stared expectantly up at Larry all whilst fingering their own guns at their waists.

The night watchmen scoffed. "Oooh what a threat! I'm so scared!" Larry brought his left foot up a few inches above the ground, allowing it to cast a dark shadow over the tiny group. Their little eyes suddenly widened.

"Do _not _mess with me tonight, pal."

With an irritated grunt, the cowboy holstered his pistol and reluctantly turned away, his friends doing the same. He had to admit; it was pretty nice being bigger then everyone else around here.

_Now to find the suspected brains of this whole operation_

He found the General standing in the center of what was Rome. He gave him a gentle poke on the back with his finger with a nice "Hey you!" (which, in all stupidity, he kind of forgot the size difference) and pleasantly knocked the poor man down to his knees, his helmet tumbling to the ground.

"What is the meaning of this!" Octavius scrambled up to his feet, thrusting his helmet back on his head in a single fluid motion.

"Got your attention though, didn't it! Aha!" Larry gave a shaky laugh, feeling his face heat up slightly. Was he blushing? Really? Larry cringed.

The little Roman's scowl quickly faded when he saw who his offender was. "Ah, Larry! Quite nice to see you, sir!" He put his hand out in a friendly shake (also vaguely forgetting the size difference) and situated on a salute instead, which Larry returned. "How can I assist you tonight, My Liege?"

"What's the deal with all this noise? I mean, I won't say it's _unusual_ to hear a lot of odd noises around here, but this time it's kinda getting loud, and a little…" He looked around, eyeing up the little people on the floor and around the dioramas. Some of the little cowboys were passing around tiny bottles of what Larry assumed to be alcohol. Brightly colored streamers were hanging down from the Roman buildings. In another corner a sort of hoe-down/country dance was going down, and a few curious Romans were being unceremoniously dragged in and tossed and turned about in a wild dancing frenzy. "-_Festive._ Yeah, it's way too festive and merry and peaceful. I mean you guys are _always_ fighting, or at least doing Roman-y and cowboy like stuff!"

"I assure you, My Liege, that this is indeed a day of celebration, and finally a means to a permanent peace between our peoples!"

Larry raised an eyebrow. "And that would mean…"

"A wedding! Isn't it fantastic?" Octavius clapped his hands together joyously.

Larry blinked. "Seriously?"

"Of course!" The little soldier beamed up at him.

"Wait, so, you're trying to tell me that a whole bunch of little plastic people, who are, indeed, _made of plastic,_ are holding a wedding?"

"Right you are!"

"Under what purpose?"

It was Octavius's turn to blink. "Er, why else would you hold a wedding?"

"Well like I just said a few seconds ago, I'm not really getting the point of why a bunch of little plastic people who are supposed to be mimicking the lives of…of…old…people…" and Larry inwardly cursed his lack of big words.

Octavius raised an eyebrow. "You mean ancient historical figures of the past?"

"Yeah yeah, you little ancient dudes, or whatever, would really need to hold a wedding? I mean, I really don't think you guys age. At all. I mean, you totally lack childhoods, never went through puberty, are extremely lacking in now-a-day social skills, have no increase in your populations…"

"Well, My Liege, I'm not quite certain what pew-ber-tee is, but I am quite positive that both of our civilizations, not matter how exceptionally different they might be, both hold marriages, no? What does it matter of age? Our purpose is to unite two people in an unbinding contract of marriage, I suppose?"

"But you guys essentially don't hold any elements of life here!"

"…But can't we still get married?"

"I'm just not sure what advantage you get from that!"

"Trust me, My Liege, the benefits are endless and bountiful!" He gave a curt nod.

"…Oh…Kay…I'm really uncertain of how that would benefit anyone here, but I guess that's not _that_ typically weird for this place…" And with that he shrugged it off. Really, there wasn't much else to do about it. Honestly, he didn't want to even think about it.

…That was before Jedidiah caught his eye, who had just come parading out of one of the more important looking buildings in Rome with a goofy grin on his face, hauling about a dark haired girl in a white toga in his arms. The crowd whooped. Larry's jaw just dropped.

"_You didn't tell me _who_ was getting married!" _Larry hissed urgently at Octavius under his breath.

"I don't ever recall you asking." The Roman answered bluntly with a shrug of his shoulders. He flinched under Larry's menacing glare.

The cowboy before them, however, was absolutely oblivious to his two friends bickering. "Check it out, Gigantor! I got me some Roman boobs!" He declared proudly.

Larry was at a loss for words. "Really, Jedidiah? _Really_?"

"What are these 'boobs' that you speak of?" The roman asked curiously, looking over at the young girl. "I do not see her currently possessing anything out of the ordinary." Jedidah had a very devious grin on his face and Larry had to slap a hand to his face. _Unbelievable, this is simply unbelievable._

"_What _in the _world _possessed you to get _married_ suddenly? I've never even seen you over here with any Roman woman before! …Or any at all for that matter!"

Jedidiah shrugged a shoulder over at Octavius. "He offered."

He gave the Roman a quick dirty look out of the corner of his eye. "So what! You're just going to get married to some girl because some guy plopped her down in front of you and said 'do it'?"

"Um, seriously Gigantor, he's basically saying 'free woman without working for it.' If you were in my shoes, you'd totally do it."

There was a delicate pause in the air. Octavius shuffled his feet and darted his eyes to the ground. "As much as I do hate to disappoint a man in a superior position above myself, I really don't see the issue with this…" He mumbled quietly.

Larry gave him a dumbfounded look, causing Octavius to study the ground more intently. "Are you kidding me? There are so many, many, _many_ things out of place here! For one, you guys are from completely different cultures not to mention time periods! Two thousand years apart or something like that!"

"So?" Demanded the cowboy, who was currently nuzzling the neck of the young roman girl lovingly, who giggled rather loudly. Larry rolled his eyes, turning to the Roman.

"Come on Octavius! Remember? These are cowboys you are talking about! Rough, alcohol consuming, loud, rash barbarians! Do you really want your sophisticated people mixing with them? Am I right?"

"Ouch, Gigantor, you're crushin' my heart strings!" Jedidiah whined, feigning a hurt expression with a hand over his heart. Octavius opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to come up with an answer.

"I'm sure all your fellow followers agree with me too! Right guys?"

Larry turned (rather turned and looked down) to the mixed crowd of cowboys and Romans at his feet, who were staring up at him with dull blank looks.

"Wedding crasher." Someone mumbled discreetly.

"Thanks for the support." Larry muttered under his breath, turning back to his two small friends.

"Forgive me, My Liege, but I think you may be pushing things a bit out of context. You haven't even heard the logical sides of things yet. Perhaps I can persuade you otherwise?"

Larry rolled his eyes and sighed. He wasn't in the mood for Octavius's big words right now. They confused him beyond means to the point where he wasn't sure who was right or wrong anymore. "Alright, Octavius, let's hear it. '_Persuade_ me.'"

"My Liege, we are just simply establishing ties with another country! Now that we have offered one of our high classed women from a wealthy and favored family to our neighboring country's leader, we are free to make peace with our enemies! Think of all the trade routes we can institute, the water ways we have access to, the natural resources we can get our hands on, the allies we can depend on in war-"

"Yeah, what he said! I totally agree with that!" Jedidiah blurted out. A chorus of triumphant cries hailed from the crowd of people on the floor at Larry's feet.

It baffled his mind, really. He wasn't sure what wars they were talking about, or where they were going to get resources or what bodies of water they thought were around here. It was a museum for god's sake! "…Can't you just, you know, shake hands and declare peace and such?"

"But that's so…so easy, and minute, and lacks so much fancy footwork and tactics and planning!"

"Um, exactly."

Octavius looked over at Jedidiah. "You know, maybe we could just-"

"I'm not giving her back, she's mine now!" He clutched the girl closer to his chest. She didn't seem too reluctant on returning to Rome either. "Deal's a deal toga boy!"

"He puts in a good point, my Liege."

Larry starred hard at the two. _No. Sense. Nothing ever makes sense around here._

"You know what? Fine. Whatever. Just be back in your dioramas by sunrise." He turned and gave Jedidiah a hard look and a pointed finger. "And I mean the dioramas you belong to, cowboy. No funny stuff, hear me?"

"You have my word!" The Roman General replied, which baffled Larry since he really couldn't recall placing the statement directly to him in the first place, but whatever. As long as someone was listening to him, and it might as well have been the more intelligent one for that matter.

And with that he turned on his heel and left the hall just as the groom kissed the bride.

_I apologize for the shortness, but not all great stories are long. I may post a few more parts of this; I have a few more silly ideas in mind! Catch you next time!_


End file.
